


I think I found my home in you

by selflessbellamy



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Canon Universe, Domestic Fluff, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Loosely based off of headcanons, Post-Season/Series 02, Reunions, Stargazing, this was a prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-09
Updated: 2015-06-09
Packaged: 2018-04-03 14:52:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4104937
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/selflessbellamy/pseuds/selflessbellamy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As a little girl, Clarke had a clear picture of home being the mild smell of metal, the feeling of the material that made up her father’s favorite sweater, or that of inhaling breaths of preserved oxygen. But God, standing by the gate upon sixteen months of wandering the woods like a lone wolf, she knew that it had been replaced; at the exact moment those strong arms wrapped around her, holding on as if doing so would keep the world from crumbling - when the familiar scent of firewood mixed with gunpowder met her nostrils, and she wanted nothing more than to bury her face in the crook of his neck and let his skin absorb the last few of her tears. </p><p>She knew very well that her home, in fact, was him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I think I found my home in you

**Author's Note:**

> Edited the title, because I didn't want it to sound so religious...

As a little girl, Clarke had a clear picture of home being the mild smell of metal, the feeling of the material that made up her father’s favorite sweater, or that of inhaling breaths of preserved oxygen. But God, standing by the gate upon sixteen months of wandering the woods like a lone wolf, she knew that it had been replaced; at the exact moment those strong arms wrapped around her, holding on as if doing so would keep the world from crumbling - when the familiar scent of firewood mixed with gunpowder met her nostrils, and she wanted nothing more than to bury her face in the crook of his neck and let his skin absorb the last few of her tears.

She knew very well that her home, in fact, was him.

To say the least, she didn’t believe her own eyes, which saw the cabins that had replaced the tents - and The Fallen Ark as the heart of the camp instead of the place marking the failure of the truce. Actually, there seemed to be little evidence of war, only found within people’s facial expressions: frowns and dark circles beneath eyes still lingering a bit despite terror not being present. 

(They probably still had nightmares, too, she realized…)

 

Bellamy had done an amazing job, setting this camp up for more peace than anyone had even dared to dream of, therefore she couldn’t help but fear that the fact that this place had turned to Paradise while she was gone meant that her being back was going to make it spiral down again. And although he tried hard to convince her that she was lying to herself, it didn’t stop her from quitting leadership, instead trying to find her place working in the medical bay. 

“I was sort of hoping that you would lead with me,” his eyes were soft, patient in spite of the question; his fingertips dangerously close to hers, even though he was merely sitting across from her, at the table that the others seemed to have recognized as theirs - given that nobody else sat there. Ever…

Something within her itched for his touch, hoping that it was make the tears - which were constantly threatening to spill from her eyes - disappear. Sighing, she gave in, guiding her hand to rest upon his, “I can’t,” reluctantly replying, Clarke gave it a short squeeze, not being able to tear her gaze from his; like returning it was the only thing keeping her grounded: her gravity… 

“Pretty sure you can’t avoid it forever,”

Unintentionally echoing his words from way back, Clarke downed the last bit of her moonshine, “I can try,” at that, his brows furrowed, turning his facial expression hard, and it almost made her jaw drop. Desperate, she rushed to explain, terrified when it came out as a yell: “I don’t want to cause damage!”

He pulled his hand from hers as if she’d burned him, shooting her a blazed look before getting up to leave, “you’re not! You were gone for sixteen months, leaving me with this burden _alone,_ and just when I was about to break, you came back, which - I don’t really know why now honestly - led me to believe that we could finally do this together. I waited for you - _needed_ you, and it’s like you’re still miles from where I stand. We could fix this, but you’re _hiding_ ,” 

Oh, how Clarke cursed the gravity now, because even with painful tears streaming their way down her cheeks, she kept looking at him, his figure blurred in front of her. So of course, he would be the one to turn, leaving her with not one more word.

What just happened? All that she was certain of was that it’d made everything hurt, the blood in her veins had turned to burning acid - her heart was being stabbed by knives whenever it tried to beat. However, the ache wasn’t the worst part - no, the worst part was that everything he had said, was true; it was the realization that he did blame her, and for good reasons. 

Meanwhile, the only thing Bellamy could think about whilst walking, fists and teeth clenched was that he had made Clarke cry, which he was undoubtedly going to regret the rest of his goddamn life.

 _Cry!_ Right then, he continuously attempted to convince himself that what he’d seen in her eyes and on her cheeks hadn’t been tears. Spoiler alert: he failed horribly…

 

* * *

 

The next few months, she spent in the medical bay, hiding despite Bellamy’s words ringing in her ears at every second - the more she tried to ignore them, the worse it got until they actually started plaguing her dreams, wanting to torture her some more: “You’re a coward, Clarke,”. On one end, she had the memory of father talking to her much younger self, telling her that it was okay to be afraid, but on the other there was Bellamy - Bellamy reminding her to be brave, to push through it - Bellamy needing her - Bellamy missing her, and she found it harder and harder to keep choosing her father.

Then, Cierra died, which changed everything. She’d fallen from the top of The Ark while working; broken her neck, and Clarke had done so much to try and save her, watched her for days, but it wasn’t enough… Suddenly, her picture of not being able to ruin anything from the position she was in, crushed.

That night, she didn’t come out for dinner, knowing that the whole camp was in shock after the death, which was the last thing she wanted to be faced with. No matter how hard she fought, she couldn’t feel like she belonged here anymore, even if her friends didn’t treat her all that differently (well, except for Jasper, who refused to interact with anyone - Clarke really couldn’t think badly of it given that she hadn’t moved on either; like her whole life was about reliving that one day). It just wasn’t the same - not after what she had done. 

But somewhere along the way, after hours of wiping away her own tears - sad or angry - there was a thing that snapped - a flick that switched, which caused her to realize that she didn’t want to feel like this any longer, didn’t want to feel empty, and she remembered that one time where she’d felt safe upon returning… At that next minute, she was walking across camp, the soft wind that played with her hair also biting her wet cheeks. 

“Clarke…?”

“I’m so sorry - I - I just didn’t know where else to go,” battling the sobs trying to emerge from her throat, the last thing she saw was Bellamy nodding in understanding before he enclosed her in his arms, pulling her against his chest, and she could have sworn that she sensed his lips touching the crown of her hair for a second.

Something must’ve told him the she couldn’t sleep because instead of inviting her into his cabin, he took a couple of animal furs in one arm, his hand on the other finding hers.

“Where are we going?”

Barely even looking at her, he replied: “It’s a surprise,”

 

* * *

 

The scent of the woods brought back thousands of memories, mostly ones filled with nagging loneliness. For so long, she’d been alone hoping that it would make her feel better, because she would escape the constant reminders of what she had done, but 1) it wasn’t an escape and 2) it didn’t make her happier. In fact, it made it all very much worse.

However, the scent was somewhat different this time, summer rain having intensified the smell of leafs on the ground, making it overpower the otherwise dominating pine trees. And here, right in the middle of everything that spurred her senses, Bellamy made a small fire, which could only mean one thing: this was where he wanted them to be, which was not going to be easy, but Clarke was determined to move past what had happened almost two months ago and trust him - a decision, which turned out to be one of the best in her life.

The flames illuminating their faces, Bellamy and Clarke kept quiet for a while, simply watching each other, both not really sure on whether saying something would be better than enjoying this: the silence, which had never been awkward between them. Instead, they tended to be filled with emotion and this time was no exception, since she didn’t need words to know that he was incredibly sorry for what he had said to her, and he didn’t either to know that she didn’t think less of him because of it. _Did he believe it, though? Well, not so much…_

After the next minute had gone by, he started to notice how she was fidgeting with the fur, looking down, and that was when he realized that it was time to say something: “Clarke-?” She looked at him immediately as if her eyes weren’t filled with tears, and he had to swallow hard to continue like everything was normal: “what’s your zodiac sign?”

At that she blinked, “Virgo - why?”

He smiled at her only to turn his attention to the sky a beat later; it was speckled with white stars, spread out in glimmering constellations, and point to one of them, “I studied this some time on The Ark - that’s your sign up there,” having pushed closer to him, Clarke could see better: it was absolutely stunning, and it didn’t matter if she couldn’t find the picture that should have given the sign its name. Suddenly, Bellamy pointed at a different one: “Taurus - that’s mine,”

Now, she didn’t doubt that he knew where every single one was, which was somehow really - _nerdy?_ Bellamy Blake being so fascinated by this - by anything honestly - came almost as a shock: a nice one. While he continued to talk, her head ended up on his shoulder, and soon the words blurted from her mouth before she even had had time to think them through: “I love it when you talk astronomy to me,”

_Clarke Griffin, you did not just throw a suggestive line at Bellamy!_

Chuckling, he pulled the furs further around them as the chilly wind picked up a bit, “you do?” _Oh god…_ Instantly, she felt a flush creep into her face, which just left her feeling even more incapable of explaining why the hell those words had come out of her mouth - to be honest, she didn’t really have a good answer after all - therefore, she decided to act as casual as him: 

“Yeah, I mean - sort of,”

“How about history then?” He laughed. Actually laughed, and the wonderful sound caused all embarrassment whatsoever to leave Clarke, instantly being replaced by awe, since this could not be real life. At any moment, she would wake up on this ground to realize that she never went back at all, “Earth to Clarke?” Clearly amused, Bellamy snapped her out of it, and she found herself smiling for the first time in almost nineteen months - frankly, warmth filled her stomach at the sight of the sparks that his grin created within his eyes. 

“No,” she finally replied, her voice strained, because his face was inches from hers, gaze deeper than ever, and she couldn’t breathe. 

“Why?” 

If acting different was going to get her the happiness and the reassurance she needed, then she asked for nature to _bring - it - on_ , “Because I want to go in the water,”

Determined, she pulled away from him despite catching a glimpse of his jaw slacking slightly - got up on her feet and turned her back towards him before pulling her shirt over her head. The chilly breeze that immediately kissed her bare skin was refreshing; still she was aware that the water of the lake was going to be even colder.

As she stood at the water’s edge, she found the courage to take a look back over her shoulder at Bellamy, who was sitting by the fire watching her… Rather intensely… “You comin’?”

* * *

 

“Goddamit Clarke!” Slowly making her way to the center of the lake, she heard him curse behind her, obviously not amused, which sadly only caused _her_ to be - spinning around to catch him scowling while taking the smallest steps, too.

“What?” Arching an eyebrow, the grin on her face widened as he raised his gaze to hers.

“Why did you make me do this? It’s freezing,” despite being able to see where he was coming from (just a little), Clarke rolled her eyes and took his hand to pull him with her the last of way, though not without calling him a baby, “I never made you do anything. You chose to walk out here, but maybe I should’ve warned you first, now that you’re getting-“ what cut her off was not words - no, it was the small wave of ice cold water that Bellamy splashed at her. 

Which turned out to be a bad decision, because she wasn’t going to let him get away with it, _“you started a war that you don’t know how to end,”_ even though she had meant the words to sound fun, they actually stabbed her heart for a second until Bellamy narrowed the space between them in one, quick stride and ran his hands down her arms - an action that told her that somehow he had managed to unravel what her own choice of words had done to her, which was knock her from happiness again. His thumbs caressed her collarbone, causing Clarke’s breath to get stuck in her throat and she changed her mind abruptly upom placing her own arms around him ( _he knew exactly how to end this)._ She found his ribcage warm, his gaze soft.

“You don’t have to make yourself feel sad all the time, Clarke. You’re allowed to be happy - just like the rest of us - you have to realize that you deserve it, allright? Leaders do what they think is right,” 

“And I did,” 

Clarke didn’t know why she kissed him, yet figured that it had to be a combination of so many different things that it made her incapable of finding a way to put it: from all the trust, reassurance, understanding and hope that he brought to her life - to his smiles, touch and millions of gazes with more meaning than the longest of monologues.

Actually, the only thing she understood was how he kissed her back: slowly yet coaxing, his fingers buried within the waves of hair whilst her hands were resting against his spine. Their careful movements were perfect evidence of how they weren’t used to this - Bellamy even managed to gasp: _“God, what are we doing?”_ against her lips once they parted to allow him to kiss her deeper, and despite the questioning, he couldn’t resist the invitation.

Her skin too was a delicious temptation, so he soon found himself sucking her jawline, which resulted in her humming - or was she _whimpering? -_ in pleasure… Because of him? He didn’t get it, but he would come to sooner than he believed.

“I want you,”

“Clarke…”

 _Why had she said that?_ Bracing herself for rejection, Clarke bit her bottom lip, yet he just looked at her before slowly demanding: “We need to get out of the water,” which could be a cue for ‘let’s go home and pretend this never happened’ or an indirect declaration of how having sex with her in the middle of freezing cold water was not on his list of fantasies. 

It was even colder once they got up, however the only thing creating the shivers that Clarke felt was his presence; the tension that had built up… Letting a few moments pass, she hoped that he would do something that would make what he wanted clear, but since he didn’t, she reluctantly picked her shirt up from the ground.

“Put it down,” he breathed, and him finally cutting through the thick tension had her breathless, “you won’t need it,” as she looked at him, he swallowed hard. While walking towards him, Clarke tried to convince herself that she wasn’t nervous - nonetheless her heart meant something else, threatening to burst out of her chest. 

“Tell me you’re not afraid,” murmuring, Clarke leaned up to lightly press their foreheads together, their noses grazing as well - instantly, she felt his lips curl into a small smile just an inch from hers.

“Why would I be afraid of you?”

They made love that night, beside the fire, under the starry sky, covered in lake water and animal furs. But they wouldn’t want it any other way…

 

* * *

**_Three years later_ **

After that, Clarke had joined leadership again, determined to have the new beginning that everyone else had already begun to experience at the time. Yeah, it had been hard: the most challenging thing she ever had to do, with the never-ending fear of making wrong decisions causing her to hesitate on a lot of things. The support from the people around her - Bellamy being by her side like in the good, careless dropship days, and Raven always being there, ready for a talk: about anything.

She’d been the one Clarke would go to with more personal problems, fears and worries, since whether she liked to admit or not, her relationship with Bellamy had changed since they…

_(“Will you just admit it to yourself, girl? I think it would make a good base for our talk,” “I can’t do it,”, The Mechanic had only rolled her eyes at that: “Pull yourself together, Griffin, for Christ’s sake!” “FINE! I SLEPT WITH HIM!” “Good, now we can get started…”)_

… Since they’d slept together. It was not that it had been weird and awkward: actually, it hadn’t been it all, however there hadn’t been a time following that night where she would look at him and not feel his touch or his lips. During council meetings, there had been times where she’d had to go outside to get some air (as embarrassing as that was), because every time he would make a point against her, she would feel it in her bones, because he knew her even better now; had her body marked like a map, knew all of her fears and even small details from her life back on The Ark that she’d revealed to him when they had been in a haze afterwards. 

_Working with him had not been the same anymore - Had he felt that way, too?_

 

It was amazing how many thoughts could through her mind during those minutes that Bellamy had been at the makeshift bar counter to refill their cups of moonshine, and had fallen into conversation with Murphy, who worked there.

But Octavia apparently saw an opportunity to confront her about a topic that approximately everyone had hinted to them for what felt like months. Clarke could feel her standing beside the table (because no one continued to take those seats even now), looking down at her, and although it was getting a bit uncomfortable, the leader just wanted to pretend to be busier than she really was for some reason. 

Then, the question that froze everything within her blurted from Octavia’s mouth: “Has my brother proposed to you yet?” It made her pencil hover just above the paper on which a new map was almost drawn. 

“No,” biting her lower lip slightly, Clarke decided to pull the pencil down and meet the sister’s gaze, not wanting to act like a coward. Or like there was anything wrong with her asking - it was just… “Marriage isn’t in the cards for us. I know it. He knows it,”

Unlike her brother’s, Octavia’s gaze hardly ever softened, so it doing now was extraordinary and told Clarke that she hadn’t brought this up just because, “come on, during the last few years you guys have always told us to try to live a normal life again - you love each other, right?”

“I guess that’s not a secret,” _Not anymore, at least._

“Then what better way to say ‘screw you, Earth we’re gonna start over’ than to tie the knot?” 

If you looked beyond the weird timing of this conversation, Octavia did have a point: upon such a long time with war, death and sacrifice always hanging right above their heads, they needed something that could truly confirm the fact that the human race was going to thrive on Earth once more. Marrying Bellamy was simply not going to be that thing, though.

As if she could read her mind (a thing she had in common with her older brother), Octavia elaborated: “If we were still living on The Ark, in space, all oxygen issues aside, would you have married him?” 

“I would have probably never met him. He would have been an entirely different person-“

“Clarke!”

“Okay yes! He makes me happy,” that caused the other woman to smirk, and Clarke just raised an eyebrow at her before continuing: “but I already know that we’re going to be in each other’s lives forever. Why spend so much effort on celebrating something that we’ve always been sure of?”

“Because you deserve the feeling, Clarke. You both do. I mean, every time I think of how far you two have come I can’t help but wish for it to go down right. You guys literally went from wanting to strangle each other, to establishing this partnership filled with trust and respect that would eventually grow into the meaningful friendship that I have ever witnessed. Then, you came back, things changed and there were months where you couldn’t make up your fucking minds,”

Them sleeping together had stopped anything else from happening between them for a while, and the feelings had only really showed for others to see whenever they had gotten too drunk, which on most occasions had resulted in them making out in full view. If anyone brought up those times now, asking her why the hell they messed around with each other so much, she wouldn’t be able to give them an answer. 

“Anyways, my point is that it has to end somewhere. Promise each other never to act like idiots again, not only for us - because let’s be real, those freaking months while you were on the rocks left this place in mayhem - but for yourselves as well,” really, monologues were clearly not Octavia’s thing… 

“Have you considered talking to Bellamy about this?” She asked, glancing around to find him talking to a member of the guard.

“Oh, I already have,” honestly, the continuation shouldn’t have surprised her as much as it did, knowing that Octavia was a curious person at heart, underneath all the layers of _badass._

Eyes wide, she stared at O, who was obviously amused by the situation, and long moments of silence passed by before Clarke finally woke up from a haze to ask: “What did he say?”

Noticing her brother coming towards the table, she spun around, yet only to throw the reply: “I’m not telling you,” over her shoulder as she took the first couple of steps away.

_What the hell?_

* * *

 

Bellamy and Clarke had never used labels, thinking that they were unnecessary - if you need to constantly call someone boyfriend or girlfriend to assure that they’re loyal to you, then there’s a clearly something wrong within your relationship. Also, putting labels on the person you love was like proof of ownership, and Clarke didn’t own Bellamy - nor did he her. They were free to do what they wanted, still somehow always stayed completely faithful to each other with no confirmed relationship.

Yes, they kissed. They made love, but everyone knew that it was way more than that… 

And she thanked the gods that they worked it out. One night, she had just had enough: they had been worried about The Ice Nation having attacked The Sea Clean, which they had a really good truce with, sharing food and supplies. Weeks had gone by with nothing except politics, which had driven Bellamy completely insane (frankly, it had taken a toll on all of them, but he had just shrugged everyone off). She had gone to his tent and kissed the hell out of him to ‘relieve the stress’ but it had ended in them finally realizing that they were hurting their relationship for no reason. 

It became clear that Octavia in fact had talked to her older brother as well, and that he’d thought about it too when they were packing for a trip to the ocean, and he suddenly said: “Can you get me the map over there, _babe?_ ”

Grabbing the item from his makeshift drawer, she turned to him: “What did you call me?”

“Um, urgh - I, I just - you don’t like it?” He scratched the back of his neck: _nervous habit…_ But if there was one thing that Clarke was not going to argue with people about when it came to Bellamy was that he was so adorable whenever he got flustered, which was rare, yet it happened. And she shamefully loved it. She grinned, kissing him chastely: “Octavia wants us to get married,”

“I know… It’s weird,” he said carefully - _too carefully_ , and Clarke arched an eyebrow at him, questioning his obvious nerves with a face that said: _‘you seriously need to get better at hiding emotion, Bellamy’_

“You know, I thought about it and I don’t think it’s weird,” admitting that bluntly, she watched his lips curl into a smirk as he closed his backpack, “I may as well start calling you my _hubby_ right now,”

“Oh my God, please promise to never do that,”

“I’m not gonna promise _anything._ This marriage thing could be fun,” given the frown on Bellamy’s face, he didn’t understand that there was seriousness hidden beneath all of the joking, and she rolled her eyes when he kept on pouting, “no seriously, I want to marry you,”

He kissed her passionately, because the smile that was now growing on his lips had been threatening to fall off, wrapping an arm around her waist.

“If that’s true, you better get used to me referring to you as _missus Blake,”_

“You wouldn’t dare,”

 

* * *

 

They did not ‘take a trip’ to the ocean - no, instead they eloped to the ocean, wanting their honeymoon to be spent trying to help The Sea Clan finally move on from the attack that had happened almost two years before. No pastor, fancy clothes or mood - no guests: Just the two of them sitting at the water’s edge, the calming smell of saltwater all around them - and the _peace._

“Did you write you vows?” 

“I have them all memorized,” Bellamy replied simply, pointing to his head, “in here,” which made Clarke smile even more - because this was perfect for them, and the way he kept looking at her, anticipation drawn deeply within his gaze fluttered her heart.

“Do you wanna begin then?” Breathing that out, Clarke turned around, taking his hands in hers like she had done at least a hundred times before - yet this time, it felt different. No matter how casual they tried to make this, something about it made it stand out - if it was the fact that today they would officially make those ever-lasting promises, she wouldn’t be surprised. 

“Gladly…” He gazed up at her with such intensity that she had to inhale - then, the words starting flowing from his lips, “Clarke Griffin, we met caught in a terrible situation, and it has undoubtedly been extremely hard on both of us. You may not know it, but when I was at my worst you reminded me of who I really was, you saw right through me - made me change, and even when I thought that I couldn’t do so, you were always there to support me, guide me, ground me like the anchor you are in my life - I hereby promise to be your anchor; to ground you - your compass; to guide you and your husband; to love and protect you ‘til the end of my days. Dear Clarke, our journey has been long, yet on this day I can proudly say that it will last an eternity,” 

_She swore not to cry, she swore not to cry._

_Goddammit…_

Tears of happiness making their slow way down her cheeks, Clarke lifted his hands to press her lips to them. Before starting to speak, she took a final, sharp breath: “Dear Bellamy, you have been the one to wipe my tears away, and I see that this day is no exception. Throughout the majority of our journey, you have been nothing but a brightly-burning light in my life - my best friend, my partner, my confidant and my lover. I do not believe in coincidences; there’s a reason why you have become all of those things, and for me it is clear that it has been life’s way of gradually showing me that I cannot live without you. I promise to never leave your side again - because I’ve realized that that’s where I’m meant to be. Always. I promise to love you, to trust you and to make you happy,”

(If they were to make a list of the curses that came out of their friends’ mouths as soon as they heard about the elopement, it would go all the way to Mount Weather)


End file.
